Five Days and a Whole Lot of Emotions

Five Days I've wanted to write another blog for awhile now, but each time I sit down to write, a million emotions run through my head. At one moment I'm excited, and then the next moment I'm scared, and then next I feel unworthy. Last Friday, I had to say goodbye to the Twin Cities as I moved home to Green Bay to stay with my parents for a week. My heart still aches when thinking about leaving Jon for a year. I know that God has called me to Panama but sometimes it hurts so bad knowing that following God means leaving the person you love the most behind, even if it is only for a year. I wish so badly that we could be experiencing this together. But at the same time I know that God is blessing both of us with great opportunities to share His love with others - Jon in Minnesota and myself in Panama. Even though it is a struggle, it's such a blessing to learn how to rely completely on God. Oh, man, I'm crying just thinking of the pain I felt saying goodbye...I must really be in love. It was also hard to say goodbye to all the kids I worked with at the YMCA. All of the kids hold a special place in my heart. This week in Green Bay has been wonderful. Actully when I got home midnight on Friday, I went to bed (it felt wonderful being able to stretch out on a bed again after sleeping 3 1/2 weeks on Rachel's couch...curse my long legs) and woke up to leave for Chicago with my family on Saturday. Saturday night and Sunday morning I was able to give a presentation ablout Panama at the congregation I interned at in Chicago. It was wonderful seeing friends that I haven't seen in over a year. My friend Rachel even drove with her fiance 2 1/2 hours just to see me. I love that girl. It's also great spending time with my family. Yesterday I had a girls day with my cousin Amber where we went out for lunch, coffee drinks, shopping, and my first manicure ever. I'm going to have another girls day this Saturday, but this time with my mom...I'm looking forward to that. As I said earlier, trusting God is sometimes a struggle for me. A couple weeks ago I was told that I may have to postpone my departure date due to the lack of funds in my account for LCMS World Mission. I was a nervous wreck. I knew that since God called me to Panama, He would provide, but being patient was so hard. Even though I still have to do quite a bit of fundraising, God has provided more support than what I could ever imagine. Praise Jesus! I hope everyone who is reading this is having a wonderful day. If there's anyway I can pray for you, just let me know. I love you friends!