An emotional roller coaster

It's been way too long since I've last written a blog...so much has happened in the past month. November has been a roller coaster of emotions for me to the point that I was starting to think I was becoming bipolar. Okay, not really and I guess I shouldn't joke around like that since many people actually do struggle with that disease. After much prayer and tears, Jon and I decided to break up. This was one of the hardest decisions for the both of us. For awhile now, we have been taking a break (I guess a huge distance break as well since we now live in different countries), trying to figure out where God was leading the both of us. Looking back, I think we both knew for a long time that our lives were going in seperate directions, but the thought of breaking up was so scarey. This was the first long term relationship for the both of us (almost 4 years) and we have grown so much in those years. However, we're finding out that instead of growing together, we've been growing apart. But I'm seriously okay now and feel a lot of peace. I have great friends here in Panama that have lent me a shoulder to cry on (aka..Jaime) for support. So once again, my plans for the future seem to be changing. I have no idea where God is leading me next. It's exciting and very scarey for me. I've been praying a lot about whether or not I should stay here another year, or maybe God is leading me to career mission work. Or is there something else God has planned? I've still never let go of the idea of possibly starting a Christian music venue. I'm thinking about getting my master's degree in non profit management or some sort of international studies. At times I wish God would just let me know...but then I think, "What's the fun in that?" If God would let me know my whole future at once, I wouldn't have the wonderful ability to dream...which I believe is a gift from God. So all of this dream talk reminds me of a book called "The Dream Giver" by Bruce Wilkinson. Very rarely do I recommend books, but seriously this one is a good one. And speaking of books, lately I've been in the reading mode (go ahead and laugh Jaime). Now that I'm done with school, I'm actually starting to read and enjoy it again...it's been years since that has happened. So since Christmas is coming up and my birthday is the next month (hint hint...January 30)...I know you're all looking to get me Christmas presents...so feel free to send me your favorite books friends.